Friday, September 28, 2007

Conservative Course Catalog

Would you take a class on diplomacy taught by Ann Coulter? How about one on marriage by Newt Gingrich? How to shape press coverage by Scotter Libby? Airport restroom etiquette by Larry Craig?

Campus Progress, a project of the Center for American Progress, wants you to write a snarky college course description for right-wingers. The best entry will receive a $250 gift certificate for books. You need not be a student to enter.

Examples to get you started:

Political Science 312: Military Operations and Winning the Peace
Instructor of Record: Donald Rumsfeld

In this advanced seminar, students will learn that the best way to take the fight to the enemy is to attack a country that didn’t attack you, send in forces you didn’t properly equip, and seek to occupy a country of 27 million people with 130,000 troops and no plans whatsoever. Goodness gracious, me oh my! Other topics will include running a prison with panache; using no-bid contracts to increase quality; and “listening to America,” with a special guest speaker from the National Security Agency.

Political Science 254: International Institutions and Getting to No
Instructor of Record: John Bolton

A very wise man once said that the U.N. Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories, and if you lost 10 stories today, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. This course will explore whether it might not be better to lose all 38. Grounded in diplomatic nuance and sophistication, course topics will include: blustering while paying no dues; which peoples are the most contemptible; “I can’t hear you!”; better spiteful than safe; and being suspicious of everyone, even your hamster. I don’t suffer fools gladly, so fools should register for something else.